04:33am

yeah, anyways. i was talking to tia. 'till she fell asleep. or is just ignoring me cause im boring.
and i realized again that i have no social skills. i cant keep a conversation going, nor can i keep up in one. whether its my girlfriend, exgirlfriend, family, whoevers. and i feel bad. every. single. time. they wanna talk to me, but then i act like i'm "not interested". i am interested. but, i dont know. i dont know what to say.

my girlfriend? yeah, i love her. i really do, and i want this to last for a while, but i dont know. how can i do that, and i can't even talk? and i dont know. some times i get those big feelings that she doesn't want to talk to me. either that, or she's bored out of her mind. tia, i know you say you don't care and don't feel bad. but i do care, and i do feel bad. it's been a whole year since i've felt like this way about someone, and i can't even show it. but i do love you. and you know that. i'm sorry.
my exgirlfriend? yeah, she even told me earlier that im too quiet. even when we were back together. she told me i act like im not interested in conversations. i even complained that she wasn't talking enough. no, guess who's fault that was? mine i'm sorry.
my family? everytime i hang out with my cousins, i'm always scared to ride in the car with them. they try to talk to me so much, but i have no words. i'm sorry.

i try. every fucking single day. i try.
this was a new years resolution. and i have failed.
okay, i just wanted to vent because tia fell asleep again. and yeah.
why is it i feel like crying now:(

~miracle michael.